Last Night I Made My Dog a Pizza

Last night as I snapped this photo I thought "Success!" There were oohs and aahs from my family as they eagerly awaited their slices of fresh from the oven pizza. As I served it up I was having a nice little internal dialogue, "WOW Self you are so amazing! Why don't we make all our pizza from scratch Self? We can just toss those stupid pizza coupons away and take that phone number right out of speed dial." And then the universe corrected itself and things went back to normal. You know how you see guys toss pizza dough? How it flies up and flips back on itself. Well, I did that. Only I did it w/my perfectly baked pizza. I don't know how, one minute I was slicing the next I was dodging flying pizza. Not only did it land upside down, it came down on top of my flip-flop clad foot! I put the "suc" in Success.  It wasn't a total loss, Wally seemed to enjoy it.

Finally used my individual Soufle dishes!

These mini pot pies were works of art.
Unfortunately, I was also trying to watch Project Runway and text message while I put them together. So, I skipped a step. The seasoning!
But they were lovely.

Fancy Schmancy Eggs

 Potato, zuchini & carrot pancake "nests"

How did I live before?

I’m a maniac w/my new garlic press. I love this thing!

I felt like a cooking loser

Martha Stewart has a mandated kitchen essentials list my fellow Martha acolyte and I reviewed when I first cracked open Martha Stewart’s Cooking School.It's a list of things I have never used, heard of or left behind w/What's His Face when I came to my senses. He may have gotten my juicer and crepe pans but I got This instead. I definitely win.

My friend has just moved and come across a few things on my list that she has extras of. How lucky is that? A friend w/an extra garlic press, ground ginger and a wok just lying around? It’s kismet. Or enabling. Either way it’s seems the stars are lining up in my cooking favor.

I'll probably wok something w/crushed garlic and ground ginger!

Maybe I’m French

I think I’m adopted. I seem to be obsessed w/cheese.I  must have bought 5 different kinds. Dad kept mocking me , "Gorgonzola, get the Gorgonzola!". He's not really on board with the pretentious cheese yet. When I got home I could not find the recipes for this week’s menu. They are MIA. I’ll probably find them in my tool box or the freezer. WHO KNOWS?!
So, there I was w/ingredients for God knows what. I just started cooking, throwing things in a skillet. I made a nice ragout w/ground turkey and tossed in some veggies and pasta. Basically, I made Hamburger Helper from scratch. Great.

This week:Minestrone!

Made a few substitutions, used Peruvian beans which no one has ever heard of but we make all the time in our crock pot. My Dad is so cute, he sifts through the beans by hand looking for rocks and uses a little wash cloth to clean the “dirty ones” before he washes them and throws them in the crock pot. This recipe calls for every veggie you can think of and a bunch I’ve never used. Things like Tuscan kale, savoy cabbage and leeks. What do they do to their Kale in Tuscany, poor chianti on it? I’m a potato and carrots girl. I’ve only recently discovered the shallot. We went to farmer’s market and my Dad kept saying “are you going to cook all this? We still have zucchini”.

I made the vegetable stock first, following the recipe exactly. That has NEVER happened before! Next I made the sofrito, which sounds fancy but is pretty much just all the stuff in the stock w/out the water. It smelled amazing. I impressed my niece w/ my newly honed leek cleaning abilities and by pretending I’d heard of Tuscan Kale. There was a LOT of chopping, dicing and simmering. This soup took a long time to put together but was completely worth it served up w/cheese and garlic bread. I’m a total Martha.

Things I learned this week

don’t try to text message while you cook
label your containers so your ingredients don’t get eaten

I'm on Fire! (in a good way)

I do most of my cooking and prep stuff in one stretch. On Sunday morning I cook some stuff for the week ahead. It’s always simple fare, meatloaf, and casseroles, stuff I know by heart. I roll a bunch of burritos w/whatever is in the fridge and bake a cake or make something sweet (from a mix). That’s how I cook. No fancy schmancy.

I decided to cull my recipe binder full of grandiose ideas and misc menus for unthrown soirees. Armed w/ a list I hit the market while most sensible folk were sleeping in. I don’t even think the devout were in church yet. So, there I was: my counters covered w/ farmer’s market produce, misc. meats ALL the pots, 12 mini colanders, and of course my ramekins. My niece arrived just in time to save me from myself. Thankfully, she is the easiest of all my nieces to Boss, making her the ideal sous chef. We chopped, grated, minced, sauted and steamed. We kicked so much cooking ass! No one lost any digits. No hair was singed. It was a complete success. We even made a Martha recipe for lunch. Stuffed cabbage w/a home made tomato sauce, w/fresh biscuits.

I still have my eyebrows

Fire didn't shoot out of the oven. Yay!

I was flexible, who knew? I had to make a lot of substitutions but my roast was a triumph. My potatoes looked just like the picture even w/out the pretentious cheese I was too cheap to buy. My wilted salad was REALLY wilted. It was pretty much just spinach w/potatoes. But no one knew.

Something to remember: Tell your family you’re making a fancy dinner. My dad had already eaten and didn’t tell me!
I did learn how cook a pork tenderloin. Even if it wasn’t wrapped in bacon, and herbs w/string.

Lesson 1: Keep your shopping list in your wallet

Went shopping. Forgot the list, Awesome. Pretentious cheese is EXPENSIVE and I can’t find the exotic lettuce for my wilted salad. The butcher helped me identify pork tenderloin. I know nothing about meat. Can’t tell a shank from, well anything. I felt dumb asking but he was really nice.

My fresh Rosemary has died. It’s a sign.

Changing all the seasonings and altering the cooking instructions. At least I Read the recipe. It’s a start.

The Menu

Menu:
Minestrone w/Parmesan & Pesto
White Cake w/Lemon Curd & Italian Meringue
Roast Pork Loin w/Pancetta & Rosemary

Soup and cake were bumped to next weekend. This much Martha in one weekend was a little overambitious. I didn’t want to end up like this.

New Menu:

Roast Pork Loin w/Pancetta & Rosemary

Potatoes AuGratin

Wilted salad w/roasted potatoes

I guess I really like potatoes.

Cookbooks should be my favorite thing.


        A. I love food
        B. I love Books
       C. I love to cook.
I should love cookbooks. They sound great, in theory. They are beautiful and make me want to whisk things or flambé. I picture my dream kitchen with two Étagère’s flanking my Banquet stacked w/my Cookbook collection. I look at them and imagine the Christmas Brunch, ladies tea, or Summer BBQ made perfect w/my new found recipe. I have never hosted any of these events but I imagine them.

Here’s the thing. I don’t follow directions. I am a throw it all in, know –my- recipes by heart cook. Following recipes just isn’t my strong suit. I lose focus, my flea-size attention span gives on me, I start to cut corners and before I know it I’m up to my ass in a project I have no desire to finish. I am over ambitious and delusional. I look at something Martha Stewart-esque and think “that is AMAZING!” and then my delusions surface and I think “I can totally do that”. I don’t stop to consider my unfocused, flea-sized attention span, corner cutting predisposition. Or that I’m kind of a spas. I once opened the oven and had fire shoot out and singe off the parts of my eyebrows peaking above my glasses. Honest. I am a cook with good intentions, but bad luck

That’s the back story.

Have you ever heard of reciprocity?

rec•i•proc•i•ty Pronunciation: \ˌre-sə-ˈprä-s(ə-)tē\ Function: noun
"...The social norm of reciprocity is the expectation that people will respond to each other in similar ways -- responding to gifts and kindnesses from others with similar benevolence of their own."

In other words my excellent gift giving came back to bite me in the ass. I received a copy of Martha Stewart’s Cooking School for Christmas. It’s just like the one I gave my friend for her birthday. She’s probably tired of Martha Stewart making her feel bad about herself and is giving it back.

I look at this book and think I want to master meringues. I realize I’m cooking eggs all wrong. Martha does things w/meat I’m oblivious to. I’m excited. I’m making lists, tabbing pages, strategizing and letting my delusions run amok. Amok. Amok. Amok. Did I mention I once set my eyebrows on fire?

However, it’s a New Year I’m a grown up now, and grown ups finish projects and read instructions. I took Home Ec. in junior high. I have a double sink, ample counter space and ramekins. I should be able to do this.

I can totally do this. I am starting w/soups, stews, roasted meats and of course meringues.

Here is another R word re•cid•i•vism

Pronunciation: \ri-ˈsi-də-ˌvi-zəm\ Function: noun
" a tendency to relapse into a previous condition or mode of behavior; especially : relapse into criminal behavior."